Greetings Earthlings. My name is Ervin Lanier Middleton Jr. I am the author of the book Uncontrollable Control, which can be found online at every retailer world wide, including Walmart and Amazon. I am a husband, father, singer/songwriter, actor, model, mental illness survivor and trauma survivor, over comer, cancer survivor, entrepreneur, friend, law student, pastor, shaman, healer, prayer warrior, friend, husband, teacher, therapist, protector, comedian, business man.
I would like to begin first by saying what an honor it was and is to be a part of such a powerful movement. This showed me just how powerful God is, and how it dosen’t matter where you come from, what you’ve done, or what you’ve been through, you are important and have a voice. This was challenging for me because being bi-polar, it’s hard for me to stick to anything consistently. So I was going strong for the first couple of months, and then I fell off. But God didn’t. Like I said, to even be a part of this project is nothing short of a miracle, because for the longest time, and even during this project, the whole six months, there were still challenges I faced, storms I went through that I had nothing to do with creating, I just happened to be the target, and as the elders always say “But God”. It wasn’t for me the outside changes I was looking for, or was shown. It was as I wrote in my book, the inner me that was being transformed. See, for me, every time I would pray, it seemed like things on the outside would just start rumbling and shaking, and going every which way but the way I wanted it to go. So when I would pray, or call in to join in on the prayer, I sometimes did’nt really know what to say, and wasn’t sure that my prayers would matter at all. It seemed to me that I would offend someone unintentionally, or it seemed I would say the wrong thing. I began literally being “set apart”. My circle is already super small, but it seemed like it got smaller, and smaller. Then drama just started occurring. In my home, with my family, outside of my family. The turmoil caused a total separation between my wife and I. My mental took a beating, everything I worked so hard to build seemed to literally be crashing around me. I started therapy, but then I stopped with that. I set my family up with therapy because I knew that dealing with me and my issues would be a lot. It seems like the more they were able to release their feelings, and became more confident, it turned on me, and I became to me alone. I never really paid attention to when I would pray when I was younger, but now that I’m older, I pay close attention. What I’ve noticed is this. Prayer, at least for me, isn’t to fix whatever the situation is or get rid of the storm I’m going through, it’s to transform me into the tree I forgot that I was. Psalms 1 says, “ and he shall be like a tree, planted by the rivers of waters”. See, the past 15 years, I’ve been so used to chaotic things happening around me, and being the one to somehow be able to calm everyone elses storms. When I came back home to Charleston and got with my wife, it was chaos for me, because no one here NEEDED me to do anything or be anyone but me. Which meant now I could continue what I had started to do. Focus on me. The issue for me was that, I was actually able to focus…on…me, which is a storm within itself. What I do know however, is that for me, as much as things seemed to be crashing around me, things were being built to. In the midst of the storms that were raging, and believe me it was huritorcano going on (hurricane,tornado,volcano), I wrote my first book, and I didn’t even want to write books. I’m a musician. However I was limiting myself to just that. Before there was even a book, someone had read my poems that I was sending out and wanted to give me a book signing. Apparently that was God/Goddess saying it’s time.
So I wrote a book, started in 3 movies, modeled, got a new car, defeat covid…twice, survived 2 car accidents. All this in a year. And it seemed to start when I started praying at 5 am. It wasn’t the praying that was challenging for me, it was staying consistent with it. Although I did fall off after a couple months, I was still praying. Just not at 5 am. What I learned though, was something different. I had been praying all my life, I just didn’t know why when I would pray, things would be so what I call grrr. Prayer is power. The ultimate power. When you pray, you tap into the creator of creation. So if things were going grrrr, I know I was headed in the right direction. Things are still grrr, but I know that I’m connecting to the right source, cuz the devil is furious with me. Actually, years ago when I was going to get a job as a skip tracker, a voice cut in on the phone while I was talking to the supervisor and said, and I quote, “ I’m the devil, and every time you try to succeed, i'm going to be there to make you fail.” You know how they say the devil is a liar? He never lied to me. He did make me fail, although I know what it is I failed at. Giving up. Once I heard that voice, I made it my mission to find out what it was that set me apart to have the most evil entity universally, audibly come at me. I haven’t given up either. I’m used to giving up to. Throwing in the towel when things got rough. Once I found out I had mental illnesses though, I set out to correct that. So there may be a tornado raging, but I’m learning more and more to remain calm.
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